Festive as Friggy Pudding

It’s been a long time since either Jonathan or I have been able to write a post – tiny human most certainly keeps us busy and the brie, wine and sausage rolls are not going to consume themselves.

Leo will be five months old on Christmas Day and quite honestly, I cannot believe he has been here that long – or that I am not yet a size 8.

We have had lots of people ask for ideas about what he might want for Christmas and because we are scroogy and he has no clue as to what is going on half the time, we have suggested either an obnoxious bright toy or cash into his bank account. I was wrapping bits for his Christmas stocking the other day and decided it looked a bit thin on the ground, so Leo will be opening a bottle of Calpol. What a lucky boy!

xmasBig brother Finley (my step son) is beside himself with excitement and we have of course taken him to see Father Christmas. We went to Ham House and thoroughly enjoyed a festive treasure hunt for facts about Oliver Cromwell and an overpriced lunch. After queueing for twenty minutes to see the big guy, we were taken into a room with what can only be described as the shittest Santa we have ever seen. His beard was cotton wool, you could see the elastic and he looked like he had been on a massive bender. As  you can see from the picture, Leo appears to have guessed. None the less, he asked all the appropriate questions – Have you been good? What would you like? And even asked Finley if he could name all of the reindeer for an extra present. Finley couldn’t so I, like the dutiful step mother, reeled off every god damn reindeer at top speed and kept the special present for myself. I felt there was a lesson in there somewhere…

Our Christmas tree is up and it’s a bit ridiculous. Last year Jonathan was less than impressed with the size of our tree, so I went big to prove a point. The result of which means that every decoration I have ever bought (tacky or not), as well as two sets of mismatched lights (one white and one coloured), is currently residing in the corner of our lounge – smooshed up against the wall on both sides and limiting our living space significantly. Between the two of us we have also managed to eat ALL of the chocolates – and by ‘two of us’, I mean me.

Having family all over the place means that we have a lot of driving and places to be over the festive period. Letchworth, Old Windsor, Christmas dinner with 34 at Iver Heath and then back to Stotfold for Boxing Day, where everyone comes to us. This is a very sensible plan, as we basically get all the left overs and picky bits. There is currently a whole frickin’ serrano ham leg on our kitchen side – the trotter is centimetres away from Leo’s ‘bumbo’ chair. Im waiting to walk in on him chewing it.

So as the big day approaches, the Christmas wrapping is almost done. In fact last night, whilst Leo was asleep, I managed to wrap all of Jonathan’s pressies. It took bloody ages because I couldn’t find the scissors, so had to tear the wrapping paper to size and chew the ribbon – I’m not going to lie, they look pretty awful. Im sure it was because of the lack of equipment, rather than the goblet of wine I was drinking – it is very important to stay hydrated.

After popping into Hitchin today to look for a chocolate orange for my darling husband (which I did’t find – though admittedly I didn’t expect to in New Look), I have now come home and am sitting with a large cup of tea and more Christmas tree chocolate. This is what it is all about. A snoozing baby in his car seat, listening to the sounds of a hairdryer, whilst I am surrounded by washing to do, baby puke covered muslin and terrible films on the TV.

The thing is, apart from the fact that Jonathan and Finley are not here, I think I am the happiest I’ve ever….oh wait. Baby awake. Teething. And he managed to shart up his own back.

Joy to the world.